Suffering for Someone Else’s Happiness

I NEED, I NEED, I NEED
One of the things we need in a relationship is Love. Love is a great emotion. It takes you to higher highs and the deepest depths on the emotional roller coaster of life. But the emotion of love has engulfed the majority of people’s idea of what love is. When it comes down to it, Love is much more than an emotion.

LOVE IS EMOTION IN ACTION
Emotions are based on external circumstances and both can change with the wind. For this reason, Love has to come down to actions. Even the bible says in John 14:15, “If you love me, keep my commandments”. It doesn’t say “and you should feel like doing them”. The fact is, you’re just not going to feel like doing every little thing that it takes to nurture your relationship. Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to do things because you feel like you want to do them, but in reality…sometimes your feelings have to follow your actions instead of your actions following your feelings.

I NEED YOU TO…UMMMM… NOT BE YOU
We all want to be happy, and when we don’t get our wants in a relationship, we start to suffer.  But let’s look at the big picture – let’s make sure our suffering is not self-inflicted. Our mind has such an enormous influence on how we feel about a person. We all have different personality rules, likes, and dislikes when it comes to relationships. So, if you constantly think about what you do not have in that other person, then there is NO DOUBT you will make yourself miserable by your own thoughts. You neglect to give yourself a chance to be objective and work through the real difficulties that your relationship may actually have .

IT’S TIME FOR ACTION
So what’s the plan, you ask? Try this and let me know how it goes. Make an appointment with yourself every day to find and appreciate some positive aspect of your relationship. I’m not talking about the…”it can’t get any worse, or at least she’s not as bad as what my friend is going through” approach. I mean literally taking five minutes each day to just focus on one positive aspect of your life with this person. Find a different thing each day until you run out of things. It’s a wonderful exercise and has been proven to bring sanity back into some insane situations.

At the end of the day, you don’t have to choose between suffering or happiness, because with love you are going to get both; whether you like it or not. In truth, both are needed to balance your relationship. Relationships can get messy and there are casualties everywhere from mismanaged issues, but let’s not let that happen to us. Let’s stay focused on our relationship with the constant determination of making it the best we can…by being the best person we can.

Remember, we have the power to change our relationships only if we use that power to change ourselves first!

~Be Inspired and Live You!

Coach Dwayne

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